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| Humor & Laughter Village: 幽默笑話村: 033 |
| Understanding Engineers: received from C Alan Kang |
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across
campus when one said, "Where did you get such a
great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We
must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never
seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind fire fighters who lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them "
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift
for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his
company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him
regarding a seemingly impossible problem they
were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the
past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He
spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at
the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on
a particular component of the machine and said,
"This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked
perfectly again. The company received a bill for
$50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1;
Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Two engineering students were walking across
campus when one said, "Where did you get such a
great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We
must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never
seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind fire fighters who lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them "
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift
for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his
company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him
regarding a seemingly impossible problem they
were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the
past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He
spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at
the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on
a particular component of the machine and said,
"This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked
perfectly again. The company received a bill for
$50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1;
Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical
Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil
Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible designers of the human
body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look
at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people .. believe that if it ain't broke, don't
fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet."
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with
the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they asked.
Engineer: "Yeah.! If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with
the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a
frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll
turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried
out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled
at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog
asked, "What is! the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now
that's cool."
What is the difference between Mechanical
Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil
Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible designers of the human
body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look
at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people .. believe that if it ain't broke, don't
fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet."
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with
the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they asked.
Engineer: "Yeah.! If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with
the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a
frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll
turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried
out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled
at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog
asked, "What is! the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now
that's cool."
